I may think of you softly from time to time…

I’ve been in a difficult place for several months now because of some events in my life that I can’t directly talk about, but will hopefully be eventually resolved.  This week, I have been fragile about it, but I assure you that anything I post on here about it has nothing to do with any of you, even though there are people who have decided to lash out at me about it. 

 Coincidentally, when Sinead O’Connor died, I was reading her autobiography (which I recommend), and I found that although she’s obviously far more talented and fragile than I am,  I could really relate to how someone who is open, honest and trusting of people who seem to be friends, is only  going to be exploited in this world, and won’t ever succeed past a certain point because their integrity and openness are terrible flaws that stand in the way of success. 

Unlike her, I will not fall apart completely, but like her, I have a tendency to forget that most people that I like are not my friends. Some are definitely friends, but some of them are people I know who are often friendly to me in order to poach resources from me. Others are people who thrive on the suffering and drama of other people, and like to use every sadness someone else experiences as entertainment. My openness about things is easy pickings for that. Others never talk to you unless they want something. I have to stop giving to those people and keep them in their place in the outer atmosphere of my life. 

 I am not sorry for expressing myself, but I can see that people pay far more attention to me than I realize, and I should and will take it to a more supportive location than my main Facebook page where I have no idea who all is even seeing my posts. As I transition into that, I ask that if you don’t like me or my posts, hide or block me, but don’t send me a private message telling me off and making it all about you, because it’s not, and I will not respond to that garbage anymore.  A real friend would ask me what is going on, because they care, and without agenda. Not on the tail end of an email asking me to give even more resources, a scolding because you decided it was all about you, or a mining expedition for gossip. Like a healthier person, the inner circle has been narrowing for me, but I haven’t completely evolved just yet.

Thank you to the real friends, and those who mean no harm, for being generous and empathetic with me as I finish my evolution.